More details are beginning to surface as to why the alert level at the Rodriguez homefront has been raised to Ernie. Reporters learned that Grace (D1--daughter one) will be starting school in less than one week. Even with this knowledge, she still refuses to go to sleep at the set bedtime of 8 P.M. Instead she continuously gets up, sneaks into her brother's room, and convinces him to abandon his bed in exchange for watching the Disney Channel in mommy and daddy's room. This results in mommy participating in a vigorous stair climbing workout to escort the two children back to their sleep stations. All the while, D1 places the blame on her brother.
In another story, Alex (S1--son one) is in Phase Three of his potty-training assignment. Phase Three consists of peeing in the potty more than eighty percent of the time. The Rodriguez household is ecstatic at his success yet somewhat discouraged that he is yet to advance to Phase Four: pooping in the potty ten percent of the time. This results in an excess of ultra-gross underwear laundry to which mommy must attend. Other complaints have been the dirty child, the contaminated bathroom and the horrific smells. All of which fall under the job description of the mommy.
It has also been rumored that Eva (D2--daughter 2) is teething. This results in the habitually cool, calm and collected babe becoming fussy, fidgety and frazzled. The only proven method to ward of this condition is for mommy to hold her while walking around the house. However, if mommy so much as attempts to do anything else while holding her (washing dishes, cooking, attending to other kids) all h-e-double-hockey-sticks breaks loose.
However, what appears to be the most influential factor in the raised alert level is the lack of help from the husband/daddy of the Rodriguez household. It is clear that husband/daddy has been taken hostage by an outside source. This source is believed to be affiliated with the terrorist group W.O.R.K. The husband/daddy is being held captive from the wee hours of morning into the late evening. When the husband/daddy returns to the homefront, signs of exhaustion, mind erasure and lethargy are evident.
Despite the bleak situation at the Rodriguez homefront, the association is confident the alert level can be restored to Bert (normal) if the following steps are followed:
1. Employ Sitter for Children
2. Buy wife/mommy flowers
3. Take wife/mommy to dinner
4. Follow dinner with a movie or dancing
5. Return home
6. Allow wife/mommy to sleep-in the following morning.
If these steps are not followed, expectations are that the Terror Alert Level will be elevated to Elmo. In which case, everyone must RUN FOR COVER!
We'll keep you posted as events progress.