Friday, July 15, 2011

Exhaustion and Saddness and Crying, OH MY!

It’s nearing the three week mark since Layla’s birth, and exhaustion has set in. The dark circles under my eyes are getting harder to conceal with make up. My head is blurry. I can’t complete a thought much less decide on what to make for dinner. Laundry is piling up around me.

And I can’t stop crying.

I feel bad even writing about this because I love my baby and my kids more than anything in this world. I just seem to be having a hard time in finding the happiness in that love. I cry when I hold Layla because, my gosh, she’s already growing so fast. I cry when Eva talks about Kindergarten because she was my baby for so long. I don’t want her to leave me. All of the kids are growing up so fast and instead of enjoying each of these short lived phases, I’m a blubbery mess.

I’m crying right not just writing about how fast they are growing up.

The big kids are getting increasingly frustrated with me because I just can’t muster up the energy or will power to finish off the summer with all the activities we love. Day trips to the lake, parties at the park, and a day at the amusement park, zoo, and farm all sound like fun. But when it comes down to actually going and doing, I lose interest. We’ve gone to the pool once since Layla’s birth, and it rained within 10 minutes of getting there. I know I need to get them out to do something, but I just don’t want to.

Layla really is a good baby. She doesn’t fuss much. She eats well. And she kind of just goes with the flow.

Yet, I can’t seem to pull it all together.

Maybe I’m being a little hard on myself.

It has only been 3 weeks.

I don’t know much about postpartum depression. A friend of mine asked if I suffered from it before. I haven’t. She seems to think that I am now. I’m not sure.

I know I’m tired but can’t sleep. I want to be happy but feel sad. I want to laugh but can’t stop crying.

7 comments:

m&msmommy said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

Hang in there! Give yourself some time and everything WILL get better. Like you said, it's only been 3 weeks (but I realize that's easier said than done!)

Love and prayers being sent your way! :)

Kate said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

I am a PPD mom. I absolutely agree with your friend that this looks like PPD to me. Take a deep breath and call your doctor. If nothing else, a quick appointment to talk about how your feeling will help you feel better. Promise.

Email me if you want to talk. I've been there and some days I'm still there. <3

Natalie said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

You've got a lot on your plate...and it has been only 3 weeks. Give yourself sometime...it's hard to start operating on zero sleep. It will get better! You are a great mom!

RoryBore said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

I think 3 weeks is a little soon for the hormonone flush to be done, and for the adjustment to adding one more child to tend to your family. But absolutely...we have 6 weeks check ups around here to specifically check the MOM, more than the babe. And if you are still feeling this way, its a definite warning sign of postpartum depression. Most important thing is that you are sharing these feelings right now. Don't lock them up, or hide yourself away. Prayers are with you hon!

Heather said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

You have so much on your plate. I say go ahead and call your doctor sooner rather than later - if just to make you feel better.

Don't worry about all the other stuff at this point if your children are fed and put to bed at night you are doing well.

Nichole said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

Oh, Renee, how I remember all of the tears after my son was born.

I remember feeling as though I had somehow irreversibly disrupted my daughter's life and I doubted that we'd ever find our equilibrium again.

Those were really hard days.

But, they got better. If you don't begin to feel better soon, it can't hurt to reach out to your doctor just to touch base. It might put your mind at ease.

I'm sending you so many positive thoughts and I'm hoping that things get easier very soon. :)

Samantha said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

I feel for you so much, Renee. What you're describing sounds so much like how I felt after Calico was born. It's definitely worth touching base with your doctor, even just to keep an eye on it. Don't be hard on yourself; hormones do enough of that for six people.

Shoot me an email if you ever want to talk and I'll be happy to give you my AIM/GChat information.

I'm thinking about you. Hope you're able to enjoy your birthday tomorrow (well, in about 8 minutes here).