If it was cancer, we would not wait to seek treatment. We wouldn't say, "I'm feeling fine now so let's wait until the sickness presents itself." We wouldn't simply hope it would go away.
It's not cancer (thank God). It's bi-polar. Yet, we need to treat it as if it were cancer because it is just as life threatening.
Being proactive in this fight against mental illness is difficult. Especially since Chris is fine most of the time. But that is what is tricky about this disorder. Everything is fine until it's not. And it's progressively getting worse. From the first major manic break leading to our separation to all the breaks in between, none have been as life threatening as the last. We are blessed that it was not life ending. But left untreated, it is almost a guarantee another suicide attempt is in our future.
I've found several books on bipolar disorder and how it affects a family. It is overwhelming. There is so much to be aware of in order to treat the symptoms. I was questioning whether or not I was strong enough to do this. There is sooooo much. It could quite easily consume our lives. Yet, most of the time Chris is fine.
I got Chris a book as well. I wasn't sure if he would read it. I told him about the book I was reading and how much there is to keeping this disorder in check. I also mentioned that I was looking forward to him reading his so we could talk about it. I thought it would help both of us create a lifestyle that would not allow the symptoms to take over.
He did start reading it. Actually, he began to read me passages out of it saying it describes exactly how he feels. I was able to let out a sigh of relief. I put my book away for awhile and read some of his. It is good to be speaking the same language and working together. He has another counseling appointment scheduled for next week. I pray it will be beneficial.
As for now, prayer seems to be my saving grace. There is always more we can be doing, but we are doing what we can right now. And I've got God leading us on this path. He will continue to show us the right way to go as long as we keep believing.