Thursday, January 15, 2009

A Long, Cold Winter or Winter 2008

2008 started out with the promise of all things good. After returning to work in early January, I soon learned that this year was going to be full of changes. Looking back now, I'm not sure how I managed to hold it all together. The previous year had been one of trial and turbulation. From the crumbling of my marriage to the new friendship bonds to raising three kids alone and running my department at work, I had more on my plate than I ever had.

Early in January, I learned that my best friend, someone who I had built such a strong bond with, was moving to Texas. Although I was happy for her, I was scared to death for myself. She had been my rock in this whole mess of life. Without her, I'm not sure how I would have made it through some days. We didn't know each other long, but she came into my life at the time I needed a friend the most. It saddened me to know that bond would never be as strong as it once had been.

Her departure brought the toughest winter I had ever endured. My weekends without the kids were hard and depressing. I no longer had anyone to spend my "alone" time with. That time truly became "alone" time. I could feel myself slipping into a world of darkness and hopelessness. Each moment alone made me wish for a solid, fulfilling that I didn't think exsisted anymore. My kids became what I lived for. I adored every moment with them and suffered quietly on the nights they were with their dad. Every day I'd look at their faces and regret the way our life had turned out yet felt like it would never get better.