Tonight Chris and I started phase one of operation reconnect. Over the past several months, we have running at a very high stress level. Between three kids and two full time jobs (not to mention the busiest season for both of our jobs) we have completely lost touch as a couple. We've been going through the motions. Everything has been very business like. There is no romance. No intimacy. Basically no affection. No love between us for a long time now. We both know that we love each other and plan to spend the rest of our lives together. Right now, we are taking a step back and some time alone to remember just what it was that made us fall in love. So, for the first time in months, we went out on a date tonight.
We ate dinner at some dive restaurant that allowed us to enjoy each other's company much more than just the atmosphere (or food) of the establishment. We reminisced about the past and talked about the future. After dinner, I planned an outing that we never have done as a couple. My intentions were that we'd be able to laugh and be close to each other. After about two minutes attempting to skate on the ice, I knew why we had never done this before. We were both awful. Chris was petrified. I thought he had never been ice skating but really he was terrified of it. I guess that's the point of a date, though. To learn about the other person. Chris fell first and we decided we'd call it quits. Before we made it around the rink to the exit, I slipped and smacked my head on the ice. It was so painful, but we laughed like we haven't in months. We left the rink, both sore but smiling. We finished off the night with a game of darts and a few drinks at one of the places we used to go to all the time (before kids).
At the end of the night, I was happy with the experience but saddened that the evening was over. We picked the kids up and headed home. Chris helped me get them off to bed and then left. I know we have a long road ahead of us. We didn't fall in love in a day, so I can't really expect for us to fall back in love in a day. I was just hoping for a quick fix. I hate that he's not here. It hurts. I yearn for him and miss him terribly. Absence does make the heart grow fonder. It's hard because I know I'm ready to make things work and ready to get back to our life together. He needs more time. Although I respect that, it doesn't make it hurt less. I'm looking forward to spending more time with him this weekend and the rest of my life.
I love him so much.