Okay, I've recovered some since yesterday. But, only slightly. I'm still a sobbing mess. I keep recounting all of the words and events that came into play to bring me to the situation at hand. One minute I'm all calm and collected reminding myself I am strong, this is temporary, everything will work out. And the next, I remember one of the horrible (even if true) things said and break. I still feel like I'm going out of my mind. As I was in the middle of one of my crazy-woman breakdowns, a very sobering thought hit me. I don't have any friends. I mean, I have friends that I talk to and socialize with. But, I don't have anyone to turn to in my time of need. I realized that my friends are friends on a superficial level. When everything is kittens and sunshine, they're awesome. But, when I'm going through what I'm going through right now, they can't be trusted. Either for the gossip mill that surrounds their being or the fact that they love me so much that to see me hurting means they have to hate the person that hurt me. I don't want that either. Because I don't hate that person, and I know in my heart that we will work things out. No matter what we are going through now.
This afternoon, I poured my heart and soul out to Chris. By doing so, I was able to come to some revelations that astounded me. We are finally beginning to get on the same page...although the road is long and bumpy. I feel like we are making progress. I just wish I could snap my fingers, fix everything and live happily ever after.
If only fairy tales were true. We'll get there, I have no doubt, it just may take much longer than expected.
On a lighter note, we took the kids trick-or-treating last night. I CANNOT believe how much candy they collected. I could see sparkles in their eyes. Alex was amazed that he could go to someone's door, say "Boo" and they'd give him tons of chocolate, suckers, gummy bears and popcorn. By the end of the night, Chris was carrying him because he was so exhausted, and his bag was so heavy he could barely walk. Eva slept most of the time in her warm, cozy costume as I pushed her in the stroller. Grace complained for the beginning because she wanted to run off with her neighbor friend, and we wouldn't allow it. We were together as a family. She needed to stay with us. Once her friend made it further down the block, she forgot all about her and began to enjoy the night. They are all still recovering today from their late night and sugar highs.
.Mysteriously, the HUGE bag o'candy is MIA. Darn the luck.
They were, though, the cutest witch, ghost and pumpkin I've ever seen. Pictures soon, I promise!