Oh. My. Gosh. I don't even know how to explain begin to explain the pure madness in which we recently endured. And when I say recently I mean as in just a few hours ago.
Disclaimer: I may have endulged in a few adult beverages before posting this evening. And when I say a few beverages, I mean four. Strong ones. Very strong! Don't judge, everyone needs to relax from time to time. Adult nector can be a God-send. Keep reading, you'll understand.
Yesterday afternoon, Chris' grandfather called to invite us to dinner with him this evening. Grandpa Rodriguez spends most of his time in sunny Palm Springs, CA but still has a beautiful home in Frontenac. He is also the sole owner of this restaurant which I highly recommend. We would totally eat there even if we had to pay for it. It's that good. Like usual, dinner with him is never just that. I lovelovelove to go out to eat with him because a. it's FREE b. at least one of Chris' aunts or uncle is also in attendance c. his mom is ALWAYS puts on a performance emmy nomination worthy. It's a HOOT. Plus, the alcohol flows like river. Tonight was no different. (note the Disclaimer).
It started just like every other dinner with Grandpa Rodriguez. Chris and I actually rehearsed in the car the entire dialogue that would take place during the first five minutes after our arrival. Yeah, we're weird. It goes something to the effect of Grandpa saying, "How are you? You're children are beautiful. How old are they again? How's work? What do you do again? That's great. How's your sister? How's your mom? Is she coming?" Once we get passed that, we order appetizers and drinks and wait on Chris' mom to make her entrance.
Tonight, she arrived only minutes after us. We hadn't even ordered a drink yet. I think that is the most timely she's ever made it anywhere. She greeted us all with exaggerated hugs and loud exclaims declaring how much she loves us. Act One, Scene One (pretend you're a great mom and grandma) was officially underway. Scene Two is typically her talking about herself and how great of a career she has. You know, to impress the one person in her family that actually had a great career and possesses ALL of the money. Tonight, though, her little monologue took a dark and twisted turn. Mid self-proclamation, Grandpa interrupted and escorted her out of the room. The rest of us continued our conversations attempting oblivion to what had just occured.
Several minutes later they returned. Grandpa Rodriguez joined right into Chris and his uncle's conversation about real estate acting nothing out of the ordinary. I directed a few questions to Chris' mom but my attempt was met with blank stares and incoherent rambling to herself. My first thought was she had finally lost it. She has been bordering crazyville for as long as I've known her. Maybe their encounter had pushed her into the light. After several minutes of utter confusion and nudging Chris perfusely to witness this psychotic breakdown, she snapped back to normal. In her most pleasant eutopia voice she proclaimed, "Let's go get a drink."
Afraid of what her reaction may be if I declined, I immediately alerted Chris that I was leaving our three children in his care and would be back soon. Plus, with what I had just witnessed, a drink was sounding like a fabulous idea.
Chris' mom ordered her drink, chugged it and order another before she started talking. As I took my first sip of my ever so delectable Cadillac Margarita, she blurted out, "He wants to send me to Rehab. He thinks I drink too much. Can you beleive that?"
I choked on my drink. My initial response was, "Uh, YEAH! You were drunk when you got here." But I kept that in my head. She went on to say how she never drinks. (Um, way to prove you're not an alcoholic by drinking even more. SMART!) She proclaimed that she takes care of her house, pays all of her bills, supports her daughter and takes care of Chris, me and the grandkids (a.k.a. Gives us money). SO NOT TRUE! But, who am I to argue with a drunk. (Did I just say that? Must be the margaritas talking). By the end of the conversation, she had done a complete 180 declaring she did drink a lot. However, she still NEVER saw a problem with this and proceeded to keep drinking.
From there, the night got even more ridiculous. Her new boyfriend in which she claims to be the love of her life and the most perfect man in the world which she has known for a whole two days shows up. Although he seemed nice, I think the fact that she introduced him to each of us AT LEAST five times should send him running for the hills. If not, then maybe he's just as neurotic as she is.
Shortly after dessert, we loaded up the kids, said our good-byes and headed home. Chris and I had the most hilarious conversation on the drive home retelling the events of the night from our points of view and psycho-analysizing everyone's behavior. Oh, how we can be cynical.
What a great night! It was like dinner and a comedy show all wrapped into one.
I love Chris' mom. She loves her children and her grandchildren adore her. How could they not. She will get down on the floor and play just like she is five years old. There's something so sweet and innocent on her Candyland view of life. She never worries and always plays.
Chris has a very hard time respecting her as his mother but still loves her company from time to time. She has never really been what anyone would consider a good parent, but she still holds her own awesomeness in a completely different way. I think that's what makes Chris such a great dad. He takes the combo of the sillyness and couples it with the fact that he never had an authority figure and has molded himself into the perfect father. Our kids are so lucky!