32 Weeks

Although the time span between doctor appointments stayed the same, it felt so long since the last time I was at my OB/GYN's office.  At 28 weeks, I had barely gained any weight and was still wearing my regular, non-maternity clothes. 

Fast forward four weeks, and holy heck I am one PREGNANT lady! 

My check up was rather boring, but I managed to freak out a bit about the whole thing.  I am diagnosing myself with pregnancy induced paranoia.  I'm not one to typically worry about the unknown, mostly because it is unknown.  I can't handle any extra stress worrying causes.  My motto has been "everything is fine until it's not."

But recently, I've become quite anxious and scared.  And knowing that I'm being paranoid is making me even more paranoid.

At 34 weeks I am scheduled for an ultrasound.  The earlier ultrasounds indicated that the placenta was low.  Since it's getting closer to the due date, the placement needs to be checked so we can determine the best delivery method.

I mentioned that I would like to have a vaginal birth as opposed to a c-section, if at all possible.  Grace and Alex were big babies and delivered vaginally.  So, we know that I can birth big babies.  Eva was breech so the only option was a c-section.

My OB concurs that I would be a perfect candidate for vaginal after c-section.  Then she proceeded to tell me about a possibility of a uterine tear during delivery that would be LIFE THREATENING to me and the baby.  But not to worry because it only happens in a very small percentage of women, and I am delivering in the best hospital if something like that should happen.

This is exactly the kind of horrible delivery dream I had just a few weeks ago.

However, until I have the ultrasound in a few weeks we won't really know if a vaginal delivery is an option.  Right now, she thinks this baby is also breech. 

I'm trying very hard not to worry about any of it.  I've done it both ways, so whatever is best for the baby's health and my health will be fine.

Yet, that paranoia thing keeps creeping in.

I scheduled out the rest of my appointments up until one week after the due date.  Seeing all of those dates in my calendar induced a small panic attack.  This baby is going to be here SOON!

I still don't have the nursery ready or all of the things I wanted to get for the baby.  But I know it really will just take me a day or two to do it. 

It's the decisions that are paralyzing me.  Cloth or Disposable? Breast or Bottle? Dresser or Changing Table? Rocking Chair or Glider?

This is my FOURTH child!  These decisions should not be that hard.  But, I feel like a new mom.  It's been 5 years since I've had a newborn.  I'm not sure I remember what to do with a baby that small.

Chris has been great with my moments of insanity.  He listens to my fears and promises not to tell anyone just how crazy I really am. 

8 weeks to go!