Friday, December 08, 2006

Gone But Not Forever

It's been a long time since I've written. The easiest way to explain why is that I just haven't been in the mood. A lot of things have transpired in the last month and a half. Usually that's a good thing because it gives me much more to divulge, dissect and discuss. What we've been going through and are still in the midst of going through, though, has been very personal. When I feel the most insecure is when I don't want to share ANYTHING anymore. Why am I writing now, then? Because I like to write. I LOVE to write. I helps me think things through more clearly. It gives me new perspectives on life. It helps me capitalize on the moments that mean the most in my life. It helps me capture memories and share them with others. But mainly, it makes me happy. And right now, I am focusing on anything that makes ME happy. Call me selfish if you want. But it's been six years since I've thought of myself first. And it doesn't mean that I am neglecting the needs and wants of the rest of my family. But, when I am happy and my needs are met, it makes me a better wife, mother, sister, daughter and friend. So that's my focus.

On a different subject, my sister-in-law is getting married tomorrow. It has been a quick turn of events. She got engaged to her boyfriend Matt, whom-seems-like-a-great-guy-although-I've-only-met-him-twice, the Friday after Thanksgiving. The next Friday, they got their marriage license. And this Saturday, they are getting hitched. 3 WEEKS! That's it! I think she should get the award for the shortest engagement EVER.

I do think the marriage thing is great for them. She's accomplished something that I am just now beginning to understand. She is living her life for herself. Not trying to live up to the expectations that everyone else places on her. She does not care if people judge her decisions. Ultimately, she is the one who has to live with them so really it's nobody else's place. And no one knows her heart and life better than she does. That's something I truly admire.

I'm working on it. Hopefully one day soon I'll be able to say the same. Patience is now the name of the game.